So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
