If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
