Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
cat food counts as protein by the way
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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