he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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