You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
