Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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