Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
