Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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