i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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