I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think your dad took our porno
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
