I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
