the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
