your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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