so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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