i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
