sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
