i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
