just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
