MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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