You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
