Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
