No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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