What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize