Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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