yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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