you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
