did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
