his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
