I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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