redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize