Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I will die if light touches me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
