I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize