Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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