1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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