I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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