Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
