She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
