She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
