I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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