my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
