Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
