fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
