he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
