can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize