Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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