I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize