Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
