Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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