I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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