Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
