My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
