it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
