All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
