Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
