We won't sleep together?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
