Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize