Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
