Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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