I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
