the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
