Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
cat food counts as protein by the way
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
