You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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