I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
