she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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