I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
