I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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