so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
