i just google imaged poop.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
