I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
