Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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