We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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