Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
